So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
