We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
