Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
