it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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