I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
