I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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