the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
