apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
