i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
