I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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