this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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