every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
