Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
