I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
