first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
