Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Two words: nipple clamps
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