So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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