I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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