I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
even my farts smell like vagina
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
