1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
