If i come over, it means nothing
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
