K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
