I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
