Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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