and you said cock pushups were impossible
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is my gift to your gina
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
