I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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