Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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