Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
