my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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