The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
