She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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