Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
