I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
