my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
