More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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