I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
