Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
