bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
