Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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