the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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