he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
