She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
