Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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