I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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