Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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