I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
