in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
