Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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