I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
