i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
