I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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